Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
