It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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