Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
