And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
