And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Two words: blizzard sex
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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