babies were throwing up all over the place
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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