i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dignity is for republicans.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
