I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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