Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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