Cold hands, warm shart.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
