the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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