I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
