THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
