She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
