Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
