i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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