Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
