We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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