im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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