He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
