it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
