so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
