At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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