Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
