I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
