eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
