I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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