Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
