Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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