I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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