Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
