those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize