My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize