i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
