I just threw up on my dentist
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
