"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
