Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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