Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
