I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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