genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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