He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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