My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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