Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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