and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
