if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
