I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
