Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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