Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
