Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
