somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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