dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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