i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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