You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
