I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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