Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
