So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
