I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize