i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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