I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We smell like vodka and hangover
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