How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have aggressive nipples.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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