How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
