dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm passing your future prison.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
