She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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