Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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