we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
