I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
