no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
