how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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