Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
