she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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