On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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